balloons.

My room was filled with balloons.  After returning from kickboxing class (my newest endeavor on experimenting with my life) I opened my bedroom door to find that my dear AF had filled my room with balloons.  Instantly my heart was warmed and I had a case of uncontrollable giggles.  It's amazing what a hundred brightly colored balloons can do for your soul.  I went to sleep that night on a happy note, my soul seeming to dance around in a world of rainbow balls. When I awoke and saw the balloons again with the sun from the window illuminating them I felt I was living in a tiny fairy tale land as I got dressed for work.  Taking a look around my balloon filled room before I closed the door to leave, I smiled and looked forward to when I would return.


Balloons.  Balloons can look different in different lights.

When I did return, they seemed to heed a warning to me.  I ignored them.  And in a matter of minutes the light changed, the mood changed, a friendship changed....and the balloons changed.  They mocked me.  Every last balloon seemed to hold within the proof of my toxic touch on something beautiful.  They danced playfully in the light making fun of me. 

I spent the next few days popping them, positive that their destruction would alleviate the pressure in my mind.  If I could make my surroundings match my inside, then things would be better...my room would no longer be a fun house mocking my every emotion. 

My pastor reminded me of something.  With everything in life we should give thanksgiving to God.  Thanking God isn't something that should only occur when our life is going great, but it should occur no matter how your life is going.  So when your life is becoming increasingly similar to Job's; continue your praise.  Continue your thanksgiving.

After being reminded of this I returned home and looked at the few balloons that remained on my floor.  After praising and thanking God for every aspect of my life, the balloons were no longer symbols of my toxicity.  They were symbols of hope.  Each brightly colored balloon directly challenges my own insecurity and toxic touch and I greatly welcome the challenge.

I hope they win.