Escape

I have an intense desire to escape.  Not just for an hour, a day, a week, or even a year.  I want to really escape.  Forever.  Disappear into another life. 

No, not another life---

                             I want to escape into the life that I yearn for.  The life where I am what I'm meant to be; not this current life of shuffling back and forth watching what my life could be disappear.  I can hear myself screaming inside; beating at the doors desperate for a way out.  I'm inside yelling at the top of my lungs but I can't quite make out what I'm saying.  The answer is there but this veil that shrouds my belief in myself is keeping it completely hidden.  I'm angry for not being able to hear my own desires. 

                      For not being able to set myself free. 

And I'm hurt that I'm only the one who knows it.  Others can't see me at all.  They only see the veil.  They see the smiles.  They hear the laughter.  They can't see the trapped girl huddled in the corner in defeat.  I've betrayed myself.  I've pushed myself into a jail cell and thrown a bag over my head so I can't see the opening.

But I still have the will to escape.