"You're body language speaks volumes."
"What?" I asked
"I ask you a personal question and you back away and cross your arms."
Carefully examining this fact, I purposefully unfolded my arms and took a step back towards him. "Better?" I asked.
He smirked, "So, tell me. Who burned you? Who has you so up in arms towards to world?" I sighed and walked past him pretending to be interested in a book about the Civil War. "See? You walk away again. It's like you're afraid of me."
"I'm not afraid of you. I just don't care to discuss my personal life with people, especially those of the male persuasion." His eyes shot up questioningly and I sighed again and turned away, to which he responded by immediately moving back in front of me. He apparently would not give up. "It's just...it's just that it's my experience that there is no point in telling a guy anything about me because he'll just use it against me as soon as he gets a chance."
"So it was a break up?" He asked. I ignored the question and proceeded to grab another book of the shelf to examine it while he continued to stare at me. "It's not a break up. It's something bigger than that," he continued. Placing the book back on the shelf I turned away and walked to another book stack.
As soon as I rounded the corner, there he was again, his eyes seemingly penetrating me. "Fine,"I huffed. "No it's not a break up. I had someone that I trusted, a friend, and no matter how much of a jerk other guys were, my friend wasn't. He gave me hope that there were guys out there that were honest and caring."
"And now?" He asked.
"And now...now...now I don't answer personal questions."
Cynical. This is a word I used to abhor. Yes. Abhor. Oh yea...I'm pulling out the big guns.
Cynical: Believing that people are motivated by self-interest; distrustful of human sincerity or integrity.
I thought that people who were cynical were uncaring, and I could never understand how someone could be so shut off from human compassion. I understand now that my view of cynicism was untrue. Not all cynical people are heartless, uncaring people...they are most likely full of compassion, optimism, and the most trusting people you could meet but somewhere down they line they get hurt and they begin to doubt.
Slowly, or perhaps quickly, I became a cynic.
I think "cynic" and "realist" tend to get mixed up a lot. Where I sit, a cynic rests on the negative side of every scenario, while a realist can be positive AND negative. The cynic rests on assumptions, while a realist bases their feelings on actual experiences.
ReplyDeleteI'm a realist in the sense that I tend to guard myself when it comes to new people. I have been hurt by many people in my years, but I realize that the new people in my life aren't the people who hurt me. Do they have the makings of someone who can hurt me? Sure, but instead of making that role for them on the spot, I'd rather they take on their own role... and see where it goes from there.
Hmm. Well on that description I'd say that I'm a realist but I'd rather believe that cynicism is phase. I went through a cynic phase and that made me into a realist (This post was written early this year and I found it in my drafts and published it in April). Starting out I was a hopeless romantic, so a realist really brings me back down to the earth. But sometimes I wonder if my realism is really just a really good masking attempt of inner hopeless romantic.
ReplyDeleteI like that you give people their own role, assumptions always lead to disaster. Realizing a new person can hurt you but at the same time giving them a chance to make you happy--that I like.
Oh, there's nothing wrong with hopeless romanticism. I used to consider myself a hopeless romantic, but I was something of an amateur at the time; now I'm more of a veteran hopeless romantic. And you know what? That's quite alright.
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